Recently a mom of a child
with food allergies e-mailed me asking some questions. (Which I was sooo
excited about! I can’t even begin to explain how ecstatic I am over the support
I have been getting! Please e-mail me!) She was going into her daughters school
soon to have the talk about the lunch room. She wanted to get my perspective on
it. I thought I should do some research before answering her because in reality
when I first started eating in a lunch room I was 4 and in kindergarten so my
memory may be off. So I enlisted the help of my dear sweet mother and called
her. She gave me some (surprising) advice and this is what I wrote back to her.
A little edited of course for privacy and all that jazz. Enjoy!
I called my mom before
writing this because I wanted to get a fuller picture of what to tell you.
Because I may remember how things went but there was probably a lot more going
on that I knew. And that was totally the case.
Okay, so the first thing
my mom said when I explained everything to her was “don't”. (** the mom told me
her child was anaphylasix to a lot of foods and there were still some they were
working out, so there was the element of the unknown when it came to what she
could and could not eat**) She
said that she would not even send her to school and that she would home school
her. This shocked me so I asked her why she said that when I was always taught
that my allergies where my responsibility and I was very active. She then
explained to me that I was an exception. She had planned on home schooling me
but I was the kind of child that once I knew something I would not budge... I
was stubborn basically... But really I had such a fire in my belly to stand up
and advocate for my own health that she felt safe with me going off. So my first
thing I would say is that if you feel in any way unsure in your childs ability
to say no to anything or doubt thier resilience to know what they can and
cannot eat and (very important) if they does not know, to play it safe and stay
away from anything then they should stay at home. Your child must know and
grasp the severity of this and be able to keep themselves safe. This not only
means just eating the lunch you send and no one else's but also this means not
accepting ANYTHING someone else gives them. When I was younger I would refuse
kisses from family members because I did not know what they had eaten. Your
chils needs that kind of diligence.
Now with that being said (sorry to scare
you! But with her amount of allergies it’s real. And remember you can't worry
if thing will hurt feelings or whatever because at this stage it is about
survival. They may be sad they can't have a cupcake but sad is not dead. The
may be sad they have to be home schooled but until you know they can do it
alone you know they will be safe.) If your child can handle this upon itself
and you don't have any doubt about it, school is great! Send them away! But you
will need to prepare. We did not have the lunchroom chat until I was maybe in
fourth grade and I never used it. I never got food from the cafeteria because I
never felt safe with it. You need to teach your child to rely upon their own
instincts and to not trust anyone but their own gut and you. This sounds really
harsh but the fact of the matter is that while people may have all the greatest
intentions in the world they couldn't possibly have the slightest clue what you
know. Your child needs to rely upon their own set of tools to figure out if
something is safe and not take it at face value if someone else said it's fine.
I have had friends mom offer me food and I tell them I can't, I'm allergic to
which they have told me, "oh no your not, here eat up." To the
outside world allergies are a fad, or something to just get over, they could
not, do not, and shouldn't have to understand the fear you and your child live
through everyday. So what I would suggest going into the cafeteria is do not
eat from them. Especially because you are still figuring out what your child is
and is not allergic to, you do not want them to find out something new at
school. Where they might be embarrassed and go to the bathroom to be alone and
that is never good. Do your best to work with the school but I would say only
have them eat what you give them and that is all. Know that people will want to
bend over backwards for you and that is great but do what my mother says,
"thank graciously but secretly decline." I really feel strongly that
with the unsure nature of your childs allergies the best option would be to
only have them eat what you give. Trust me you are not stunting something in
them to be able to figure it out and appear normal, you are helping empower
them to know what they can and cannot eat. The fact is your child is not
normal, their life will never be normal and that is okay! It's just something
they needs to learn to deal with, we all have "our thing."
Now after I dumped all
the depressing gunk on you, here is some good stuff. If your child is not ready
to go to school and is not extremely proactive in being very admit about
allergies (I would never shut up, I could make friends with a light post) that
is okay! A child and should not be
expected to! I look back upon when I was a kid and it was such a burden to
carry. I grew up so fast and I would have loved to have been home-schooled and
not have to worry about it for a couple more years. But I was ...
stubborn.
If you do send your child to
school, great, but forewarned you have a handful of a child on your hands if
they are anything like the personality needed to handle this so young, good
luck =)
There is a lot going on
behind the scenes to keep them safe that you need to be on top of. Make sure
there are always at least two epi-pens at the school and in the classroom each.
If you feel comfortable (and I'm sure you have shown and they know what it is
already) put two in their bag. If your child is asthmatic same with inhalers. I
always had an inhaler with me wherever I went and they were not allowed with
the kids, I felt like such a rebel haha. Make sure everyone knows how to use it,
not the kids obviously lol but everyone else. My mom used to get a huge bin and
fill it up with snacks just for me and have it in the classroom for if there
was a snack for everyone then I would have something too. When packing lunches,
pack more than you need. It is better to have too much food than not enough,
get hungry, and start looking around. Field trips, you should go on them.
Change of environments can throw kids, and teachers off. Be a chaperone and
they will be happy and feel safer.
Sorry
this was all so depressing, it gets better I swear! If you have anymore
questions please do not hesitate to ask me!
** So I
know most of this sounds harsh but the fact of the matter is you are dealing
with life or death here. When I was young I was sent to the ER with epis stuck
in me more times than I can count. Partially this was because I was a ticking
time bomb of reaction (seriously you guys I don’t know how to get across
through words how reactive I was. I go back to my hometown and people are amazed
I am alive.) and also because I was young! Young children are so much more
likely to have reactions then adults for very clear reasons. And I was that
freaky kid that somehow understood all this yet I still had reactions. My mom
would tell me when I was in diapers I would tell people “no” because I was
allergic. Somehow and for some reason I was a weird exception of a child that
could grasp and advocate for myself, most children are not like that. If you
child is not like that, do not send them to school. Looking back I really wished
I was home schooled. It is such a responsibility to carry and no kid at four
should have to take that on. But I was… stubborn and was determined to go to
school. Also my mom felt very safe and secure in my ability to keep myself
safe. She often tells me I am destined to do something amazing because of all
the trouble someone upstairs went through to keep me alive. I like to think
that’s true. =)
So
please if you have any questions or concerns please let know. Feel free to
e-mail me at anytime. I check it all the time hoping for an e-mail. I get so
giddy when one comes in. I know this sounds very doom and gloomy but trust me
it gets better! If I was not as strong as I was back then and if my parents did
not raise me the way they did I would be a totally different person. And I
kinda like who I am. =)
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