The Holy Grail - Dating with Allergies

Dating with Allergies DUN DUN DUNNNN!!

I know at least with my friends this is the one topic they always ask me about. “So like what happens if the guy like eats a peanut and then like kisses you? I mean would you like die?” Well hypothetical friend first off I don’t let just any stranger come up and kiss me, chances are good if I’m kissing him, he know me and my situation. Well, hang on, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Lets start from the beginning.

1. Dating is going to kind of suck.

Sorry, I hate to break it to you but it’s true. It is not going to be easy by any means and chances are really good you are not going to be going out a lot. Dating with food allergies is a very tricky thing to tackle. It takes a lot of trouble and homework. Unlike normal daters we can’t take the first date or second date to find out if this person is really a good person to put the responsibility of our lives in their hands. Because hate to break your bubble but you are doing that. You are going to open up your life to this person and if you plan on eventually getting married you need to trust them that they take this as seriously as you do. You need to find someone you can trust to hear what you are saying about what your needs are and follow through with them. There is will be a lot of the “getting to know you” phase and you will probably end up dating a lot of friends first since they know about you already. But I’ll save that for the where to meet people section heh heh.

2. Always be HONEST

Seriously there is NO WAY you can have a successful relationship if you guy or girl just thinks your on a diet or really hate milk. That’s just silly.

3. Be clear.

Your significant other can’t read minds… unless you’re dating David Blaine… so you need to be clear with what you need! You need to tell them what you are allergic to and what it means to you. Hopefully this is something he knows beforehand by just knowing you but reiterating it to him can’t hurt. Also he probably has a lot of questions! Trust me, he doesn’t want to kill you, and if he does, run! How awkward for both of you if you start having a reaction from him kisses, non va bene! So be clear from the start what you need. If that means you need him to not eat a certain food than that is what that is. If you need him to brush his teeth before he kisses you then that is what you need. You get the point. Set some guidelines for what makes you feel safe and share them with him. **This is why I say dating is going to suck. Not every guy/girl is going to be willing to give some things up and that is their lost! I used to get really upset at the idea that some guy would not date me because I would be difficult to deal with, and guess what, I am! But I now realize that it’s a great filter for not so great guys. The good ones who are worth my time, attention, and love are the ones who will be willing to make the sacrifice. And remember, you ARE worth it.

4. Make it easy on him/her

They have not been living with allergies their whole life, you have. So take their hand (aww) and lead them into the allergy world with some patience. I used to store a toothbrush and an extra tube of the toothpaste I used at my house for my ex-boyfriend. (He was not an ex at the time…) I took it upon myself to think about those things so he didn’t have to. I used to cook meals for him as well so I wouldn’t have to worry but also to show him that allergy cooking is good.

5. Have the “talk”

This goes along with the whole being honest and clear thing. Hard truth kids – dating you is going to be way different than any other girlfriend or boyfriend they have had before. So before you start dating have the talk. Let them know what they are getting into and give them an out! This should not be scary, reassure them they are not an awful person if they don’t want to take this upon them, it’s okay really. They need to know what they are walking into beforehand for both of you. But hold on, don’t be scary. Just be clear and honest (am I repeating myself?) you both are adults and can handle the truth.

6. Where to meet people

Oh the fun part! All the guys I have dated have been friends before or friends of friends so they knew about my situation beforehand. This can be played to your advantage. If you are good friends with someone before, they already know how you live and how it effects your daily activities. There wont be any, well many, surprises waiting for them. I know I know, friendzone hubabaloo. Oh forget that, if you like them, who cares. All the best relationships I have known of stemmed from friendships. Try online dating! I am still a little leery of trying myself but that’s because I watch too many episodes of Criminal Minds and I’m always scared a serial killer is after me. But really online dating could be a great way to avoid that awkward talk moment. If your expectations are all ready out there at the start then you don’t need to explain yourself to every guy you see. Anyone who contacts you has probably already seen that and is still willing to continue. I say go for it! Last I would say get involved in the allergy community. Meet people with similar intolerances as you. Instead of talking about what films you like you could talk about what makes you hivey. Hahaha oh that’s so weird. If two people meet through this blog and fall in love my life will be complete, please, readers, start dating each other! Just please don’t have children or they will come out as one giant hive… gross.

7. Be creative with dates!

Obviously the typical dinner and a movie date is usually out of the question (dinner – it’s not really cute to give the whole “if you mess up my order I will die” speech and movies, wayyyy too much popcorn and butter everywhere) so get creative! This is why I say the talk should be had before any formal dating starts since “hey come over to my place and I’ll cook you dinner for the first date” can be a little forward. Picnics can be great where you cook or going to see a show. Anything different and outside the normal eat and sit routine will be great. For the last guy I dated for our first date we went to a Portland Timbers game which was so fun! And for our second date we did our take on dinner and a movie and went to the drive in theater (no popcorn) and I made dinner and brought it in Tupperware. It was so cute, great, and allergy free! Going outside the norm will also show you are cool and a happening chick/guy and will reflect good back to you I promise.

8. Don’t give up

You are going to have rough times and times where you just want to give up and become a nun. Although that would make my grandmother so happy I couldn’t do that. Trust me there is someone out there for you! Don’t give up hope and just keep on looking, and hey, plus side all those guys you did not go out with because they didn’t fit are now an army of guy friends that will come in handy when you need to move.

9. Story time.

The summer before my senior year in high school I had my first boyfriend. I met him through some mutual friends and I thought he was kind of cute I guess, what did I know I was 16. Anyway he liked me and I took that as enough to start dating him. I had never really had a boyfriend before, never been on a date before, and had only kissed one boy…in seventh grade… so does not count… Anyway back to the story, I went into the whole situation naive and kidding myself. He was older and had dated a lot of girls and I was, well, me. It was doomed from the start allergies or no allergies. I remember on the first day we started dating we went to Barnes and Nobels in his minivan, hot right!? We walked around a little bit and when we were leaving he went to the café and got a drink. I remember it was a peanut butter chocolate blended drink…everything I hate in this world. When he dropped me of back at the school by my house (for some reason I left my car there??? We were so sneaky or I just didn’t want to drive it back home before we left, oh to be young again) he tried to give me a kiss and I stopped him. He was so surprised that he could not kiss me and kind of blew it off. It just went downhill from there. He was a smoker and a fisher… I’m allergic to smoke and fish but that did not stop him from eating fish in front of me and smoking right next to me. The last straw came for me when one night where were hanging out at the school playground down the street (romantic) and he ate half of a Taco Bell store. Right after he used the “Caitie Care Kit” I bought him full of mouthwash, toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss. (p.s. I hated that name, one of the many things I kept to myself, but not anymore S**** that name is real dumb! Ah sweet release) He then proceeded to use the toothbrush and paste using his spit for water…the spit that was half Taco Bell cheese. Really?! I said something that in my head went something like this, “Uh hell no! Get your nasty death mouth away from me before you brush like a proper man!” but in actuality it came out something like, “uhh I don’t think that works…” He ignored my comment and kissed me on the cheek anyways. A minute later I could feel the hive. It pissed me off so much to know that I let some guy that I did not even like have that effect over me and my control over my body. Needless to say we ended pretty quickly after that…

10. Have a little trust.

So. After my story time it may seem a little silly to say this but you have to have a little trust, in both your other and you. Trust yourself to know who is good enough and who is some lame-o who wears a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup t-shit all the time. While one shot at love was ruined because I did not trust myself to get out another shot I had was ruined because I did not trust him. He watched what he ate and I still could not get over the fear that he just didn’t care enough. He took extra care to make sure what he ate was okay for me but I let my own fear kill any chance we had. So! Hey kid hiding behind that wall, peek out for a bit and check out what is on the other side, who knows it might be a 6’5” tanned British soccer player who loves your cheese free pasta.